On DVD: Big, Loud and Dumb-'G.I. Joe: Rise Of Cobra' and 'Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen'

'G.I. Joe: Rise Of Cobra' (PG-13) *1/2

Writers: Stuart Beattie, David Elliot and Paul Lovett
Director: Stephen Sommers
Starring: Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Sienna Miller, Rachel Nichols, Christopher Eccleston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ray Park, Said Taghmaoui, Jonathan Pryce

'Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen' (PG-13) *

Writers: Ehren Kruger, Alex Kurtzman and Robert Orci
Director: Michael Bay
Starring: Shia Labeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro, Kevin Dunn, Julie White, Isabel Lucas

I remember when the big summer blockbusters were fun, exciting and you could follow the stories. Nowadays the big summer blockbusters go Boom!Pow!Ugh! and then I usually go huh? Fortunately I was smart not to waste my time seeing two certain blockbusters from this past summer and then waste my money. I sat at home and watched on DVD on my big screen TV so I could pause to take a breath and pop in some Ibuprofen. I don't mind a dumb movie once in awhile as long as it is fun but with "G.I. Joe" and the 'Transformers' sequel what you have is no fun whatsoever. These are painful movies to sit through and "Transformers" is freaking 2 and 1/2 hours! Both movie are based on Hasbro toys that I had no desire playing with when I was a kid and now I know why. Next time I think there should be a Barbie movie where Barbie and her friends are really C.I.A. Operatives who kick major ass, date G.I. Joe and his pals and they both fight the bad guys from "The Transformers" Of course Ken turns out to be the evil bad guy and Barbie and her friends have to be half naked.

Anyway, "G.I. Joe" has to do with two army soldiers played by Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans who are recruited by a secret organization called G.I. Joe. That is all you need to know because the plot then gets too complicated for it's own good. I couldn't explain much of it but the G.I. Joe crew fight an evil foreign business man and a deformed evil guy and also the Tatum character used to be involved with the female baddie played by Sienna Miller. The movie is filled with back to back chases, martial arts fights and things blowing up. The movie is a mess, doesn't make sense and I couldn't follow any of the action. Dennis Quaid is slumming it, Marlon Wayans surprisingly comes off as unfunny and the action is cluttered and badly executed. Oh and also the special effects are cheesy. Really? It is almost 2010 and this is what special effects look like? The underwater scenes are kind of cool and the women have the best roles and look good. This is the same director that gave us "The Mummy" movies and they all are equally bad. You know you are in trouble when a wall to wall action movie comes off as boring.

"G.I. Joe" at least didn't make we want to scream or shoot myself in the head. "Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen" is even worse and somehow more badly directed and acted then "G.I. Joe". This is the sequel to the original "Transformers" which I actually liked but this sequel is twice as noisy, messy and headache inducing as the first one. The first "Transformers" was the only Michael Bay movie I liked and you could follow it and the story and action made sense. The sequel is so complicated and full of bad acting and dialogue and I couldn't even tell the difference between the good Transformers and the bad ones. The actors all shout and rush their lines so much so that I thought all the characters were on cocaine. The action is badly executed and I finally thought there's the trashy, bad director Michael Bay that I love. I find it funny that all the female students at the college where the hero goes to all look like supermodels and that brings me to Megan Fox. She certainly is very hot and beautiful but when one of the robots says that she looks hot but is not too bright I laughed. Megan Fox is very good to look at but I do not find her that sexy and the acting needs to improve a little. Everything is really the same as the first movie but somehow this one comes off as insufferable, dumb and way too loud. Next time I think the Transformers should have name tags next time saying good guy or bad guy. This has to be one of the worst summer action blockbusters I have ever seen. Oh how I remember the good ole days when you watched something like "Star Wars" and could follow the plot and you weren't confused. "G.I. Joe" and "Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen" are two movies that make you go "Huh?"