'Nine'

'Nine' (PG-13) **

Writers: Michael Tolkin and Anthony Minghella
Director: Rob Marshall
Starring: Daniel Day Lewis, Penelope Cruz, Fergie, Marion Cotillard, Judi Dench, Kate Hudson, Nicole Kidman, Sophia Loren

"Nine" is a major disappointment in the Musical genre and it actually mad me restless and bored through most of it. A musical is supposed to be alive especially when it is released during the Holiday season. "Nine" looks very good and has two show stopping musical numbers. The only problem is there are about 6 or 7 more musical numbers and they are clunkers. The problem for me is that it is not really Rob Marshall's fault because I didn't like the story and how it was portrayed. So if I saw this on Broadway I think I might have not liked it on the stage either. If that is not shared by others then maybe Marshall missed something. His last musical, the Academy Award winning "Chicago", was much more exciting, if vastly over rated, then "Nine" even though I wasn't crazy about "Chicago". Marshall hasn't grasped how to own the screen and make a musical totally alive on film. "Chicago" had some stagy moments but "Nine" is even more lifeless. The movie also fails as a depiction of Italian cinema, Federico Fellini to be more exact. The movie is beautiful to look at and resembles Fellini's colorful films but not the exuberance and excitement of them. Even if you don't care about that this movie still feels stiff.

The movie to me seems dark and I don't mind that though it is a suffering darkness. There are two sexy and wonderful dance numbers. They are well choreographed and very stimulating and that is because of the talents of Fergie and Penelope Cruz who come off best here among the actors. Fergie sings the show stopping number "Be Italian". It is a wonderful song and the singing is superb. Fergie and the way the number is presented is very sexy and alive. Another hot moment is a number sung by Penelope Cruz and surprise to me she can sing! She also is very sexy here as she writhes around the stage and shows some sexy moves and also is another hot and alive moment. Marion Cotillard is also moving as the director's wife and she sings a beautiful and somewhat good song but that is it. That is about 15-20 minutes out of two hours and the rest is a dull snooze fest. The film doesn't really have a plot except for it's homage to Italian Cinema and the fact that Daniel Day Lewis is a movie director who has a wife and a few Mistresses and he is trying to make a film and is also burnt out.

I am a big lover of Musicals and I am very critical of the stage to screen adaptations but this doesn't work in any way and not even a really entertaining way. There aren't many songs that are memorable and I was bored. There is another musical that this resembles and that is my favorite one of all time "All That Jazz" directed by Bob Fosse and from 1979. That was a dark and sexy musical and look at a director and Fosse knew how to adapt a stage musical. Rob Marshall still hasn't totally mastered it with even "Chicago" failing a little. Fosse also made a great stage adaptation in "Cabaret" "Cabaret", "Jesus Christ Superstar", "Fiddler on the Roof", "Grease" and "Hair" are the best in my opinion. "Nine" is even weaker then "A Chorus Line" and is at the bottom of the bunch. Save this for the small screen where you can enjoy Fergie (great debut), Cruz (sexy and again very good), Cotillard (breathtaking) and to see that Sophia Loren still looks fantastic. If you pay ten bucks at the movies you have to sit through Daniel Day Lewis (miscast), Kidman (non existent), Hudson (awkward and reminding me too much of Her Mom and bad "Laugh In) and a lot of safe, unmemorable songs. "Nine" isn't sexy enough, compelling enough or good enough on many levels.