'Killers'

'Killers' (PG-13) (1 star)

Writers: Bob DeRosa and Ted Griffin
Director: Robert Luketic
Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Tom Selleck, Catherine O'Hara

"Killers" doesn't even have the common decency to film it's story in a real suburban setting. It starts off in an exotic locale but then shifts to the suburbs which looks like a cheap set. "Killers" really doesn't have a plot, it is just a bunch of shootouts surrounded by Kutcher and Heigl screaming at each other. The movie is just Ashton Kutcher, putting on some muscle, meeting Heigl's character who is on vacation getting over a breakup. She is there with her father and mother who are a bored looking Tom Selleck and an alcoholic Catherine O'Hara. O'Hara could have the juiciest part if the jokes for her didn't consist of an old vaudeville act. We know by the previews that Kutcher is actually a C.I.A. assassin. The two get close to each other as Kutcher tries to tell her he is a spy. Then he tries to tell her before the end of the vacation until she falls asleep. Ha! Ha! Now we are dealing with a bad sitcom with an idiot plot. They get married, move to the suburbs and that is when this fake little villa is found to be teamed with assassins. Who is hiring these people to knock them off? When you find out who it is it doesn't make any sense why they would hire people to kill Kutcher when the culprit is close to Heigl's character. She would be in danger of being shot also.

The movie is just full of surprise neighbors popping out and trying to kill them. That is all the movie is, shocking violence even for a PG-13 rating and bad dialogue and screaming matches. There is not one funny moment, the action is clumsy and the movie has no ideal what it wants to be. Is this a comedy with abrupt killing and action scenes? Or is it an action, romantic comedy peppered with comedy? Because it is never funny for one second and it is never suspenseful. Director Robert Luketic can't do action scenes and the movie doesn't even try to be entertaining. It is lazy, insipid, boring, dull and needlessly violent. Then it does the the old saying the F word because you are allowed one for a PG-13 movie. The screenplay is one of the emptiest ones ever written for a feature length movie. I am getting sick of Katherine Heigl's screaming, daffy and annoying bad acting. She cuts down her only good movie, "Knocked Up" and then follows that up with three of the crappiest movies I have seen in ages. She is one note, over the top and should have saved her hysterics for her terrible television show "Grey's Anatomy". I have overcome my dislike over the years for Ben Affleck, Ryan O'Neal and Kiefer Sutherland so I am open to liking Heigl but she doesn't make it easy. Now I like Kutcher and I think he is under rated but his choice of movies is less than inspired. "Killers" is an empty, joyless and excruciating experience and I couldn't wait to leave the theatre!