'LORDS OF SALEM'

'LORDS OF SALEM' (R) (2 STARS)

Written and Directed by Rob Zombie
Actors: Sheri Moon Zombie, Meg Foster, Dee Wallace, Bruce Davison, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Sid Haig, Michale Berryman, Patricia Quinn, Judy Geeson, Maria Conchita Alonso.

When I heard that Rob Zombie was making movies there was no way I was going to take him seriously as a director. I have been pleasantly surprised by Rob Zombie the filmmaker. He really can direct and he knows how to move the camera with some nifty tracking shots and framing. From the sick but very effective and entertaining "The Devil's Rejects", to the sickening, nihilistic, ugly, dumb "Halloween" remakes he still knows how to make a movie work and he really loves movies and has a nice knowledge of film history. I hate the "Halloween" movies with every inch of my being but with "Lords of Salem", Zombie has made his dullest and least interesting movie to date.

"Lords of Salem" is a throwback to those weird, cheesy horror movies of the 70's with witches, dream sequences, awkward nudity and strange images. Those movies didn't make any sense and the film makers would just throw anything at the audience. It reminds me of a certain movie from the 70's that I saw at a Music Box horror movie marathon called "Season of the Witch". I did like Zombie's recreation of those movies and his style matches those old movies. That is not really a compliment for "Lords of Salem" is cheesy, dull, weird and shoddy just like those movies. It is an interesting movie but at the same time the story is dumb and the pacing is very slow. We wait for anything to happen, scary or otherwise, but nothing does until the very weird last half hour.

The movie stars Rob Zombie's real life wife Sheri Moon Zombie as a woman and radio DJ who gets sent a record from a band called "The Lords". She plays it on the radio and then a lot of strange things start to happen to her. We get a prologue to start things out showing a group of women being outed as witches and then burnt to a crisp. You will know where this movie will end up but you won't guess what kind of wierdness will happen. Sheri Moon Zombie is getting a lot of bad reviews like with "Devil's" but I actually like her here like I did there. I think she does very well here, much better than most horror movie acting lately like the acting in this year's ugly "Evil Dead" remake. I think Sheri Zombie is strangely attractive and sexy and she is the best thing about this movie.

"Lords of Salem" has some great casting here what with Dee Wallace (E.T.), Bruce Davison and Sid Haig among others. He nails the 70's look down wonderfully even though this is set in present day. I wish Zombie would have set his story in the 70's because this is just a pale copy of something that is a masterpiece like "House of the Devil" by Ti West. Thats is a much scarier and more effective horror movie than "Lords" because the story is much better and the movie more suspenseful and to me Ti West is the best horror film maker out there right now. Zombie just is on the cusp of making this movie work but it just doesn't go anywhere and takes so long to even get to that point. He is trying to make a fever dream movie like Dario Agento did so well in the 70's and for that his fans will be bored with this one. "Lords of Salem" is dull and very cheesy but at least it is kind of interesting.