'TOTAL RECALL'

'TOTAL RECALL' (PG-13)(1 1/2 STARS)

Written by Kurt Wimmer and Mark Bomback based on a Phillip K. Dick story
Directed by Len Wiseman
Actors: Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Bryan Cranston, Jessica Biel, Bokeem Woodbine, Bill Nighy

In hindsight I guess it is conceivable to remake the shlocky but very entertaining 1990 movie "Total Recall". The 90's version has antiquated visual effects in comparison to today's era. The 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegar movie "Total Recall" was cheesy and very violent and this remake is very serious and more action packed. I will take the cheesy version anytime for this remake has no sense of humor, no imagination and it wastes the comic talents (Yes, I said it!) of Colin Farrell. After the movie I felt beaten up and depressed.

The new movie does not go to Mars like the 1990 Paul Verhoeven version and I am told the original Phillip K. Dick story didn't go there either. Though part of the charm of the old Recall was the over the top violence and goofy imagination. Also Schwarzenegar played his role serious in his own way in the original but the movie knew to be jokey and play on Arnold's unpolished acting. The new movie does not have one scene of humor or no sense of humor AT ALL save for the woman with the three breasts lifted from the original. Colin Farrell can be funny so why didn't they use that to lift this film's dead toned nature.

The movie's plot isn't that inspired. Farrell plays a factory worker named Quaid who goes to a place called Total Rekall. People in this future World go there to get their memories erased and live out their fantasies. Instead for Quaid he finds out he is really a spy and that his wife played by Kate Beckinsale isn't really his wife though he has been sleeping with her for years. There are two worlds that exist now and a tunnel betwween them. In the only original and inventive part of the story Quaid has to take an elevator that drops down and down to get from one world to the next. After that the good ideals stop save for some excellent production design.

Here is the problem though besides the movie not having any sense of humor. There is not an original thought in this movie save for that tunnel ride. The movie may look great but great looking dreck is still dreck. This movie has been done before even besides the 1990 movie. There are two movies that are way better than this rip off and actually this movie is an insult to both these movies. The first one is "Blade Runner" and Recall so wants to be just as cool and beautiful looking as "Blade Runner" and it fails. The second is one of the 25 best movies of 2000-2009, "Minority Report", co-starring a funny Colin Farrell (See!?) and Tom Cruise. That movie has striking visual effects like the Recall remake except it has a sense of humor, thrills, mystery, suspense and one of the most original and imaginative stories of the past decade and a half. "Total Recall" even shamelessly lifts the style, look and some of the actual scenes from that masterpiece.

Len Wiseman is not a director that exemplifies greatness being that he made the terrible "Underworld" movies. His "Total Recall" is boring, a rip off, has a lot of action you can't follow and a flat and emotion free ride of mediocrity and dullness. Plus you waste the beautiful and sexy Kate Beckinsale, the awesome Bryan Cranston and one of the best bodies you will see on screen in Jessica Biel. After seeing it the movie made me question why I have to see every movie that comes out. I wasted two hours of my time I can't get back. It is depressing that we have to remake every movie and sometimes it is not a bad ideal. It is depressing because there is no attempt to add anything fresh here from the original or anything to differentiate this from any other piece of redundant crap out there. Can we start remaking bad movies instead of good, great or successful movies? I am begging you Hollywood!

P.S. For a better remake that was funny, sexy and thrilling and starred Farrell please check out the criminally under rated "Fright Night" reboot.