'BATTLESHIP'

'BATTLESHIP' (PG-13) (2 STARS)

Written by Erich and Jon Hoeber
Directed by Peter Berg
Actors: Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgard, Rihanna, Brooklyn Decker, Liam Neeson, Jessie Plemons, Hamish Linklater, Peter MacNicol

"You Sunk My Battleship!" "Drats!"
There you go, I just displayed more energy just now than is found anywhere in the stiff and dull "Battleship". Imagine the "Transformers" movies slowed down to a crawl and throw in the usual stuff that clouds up all these action franchises lately. Besides the superhero movies I am begging for a smart, energetic and thrilling action movie. "Battleship" is a nice movie compared to the last two crappy "Transformers" movies and the loud "Battle: Los Angeles" and what I mean by that is there is actual sense and strategy in the action here. That is a good thing but the movie is still silly, dumb and ordinary in that strategy. I guess we will have to wait for something smart and complicated like "Risk:The Movie!"

"Battleship" stars the unfortunate Taylor Kitsch as a screw up who breaks into a convenience store to buy a beautiful blonde a chicken burrito. His Navy brother says enough is enough and tells him he must join the Navy. The blonde is actually the daughter of a powerful Admiral played by Liam Neeson who seems like he has a bad case of constipation.
Kitsch joins the Navy with his brother when his ship is attacked by aliens, the brother gets killed and Kitsch will be in charge. There is also a woman played by Rihanna and comic relief by Kitsch's buddy from the "Friday Night Lights" television show, Jessie Plemons. The aliens do not look different from any alien in any of the last few years of alien movies. This is basically "Battle:L.A." in water but this is more of a family type picture. Everything is safe, not that bloody and the movie is very derivative of "Top Gun" with a little "An Officer and a Gentleman" thrown in, um the PG-13 version of that classic.

Everything is just plain dull, safe and very silly here and most of the humor, besides Plemons, is non existant. There is no sense of danger or fun and the action is very blah. Like "Transformers" and it's ilk you get the requisite model type beauty, the wisecracking friend, the father who dissaproves and the final showdown that gets sillier as it goes. This is not a bad movie but it just doesn't bring anything new to the table. I can tell you this about me and that is I don't mind movies having cliches and copying other movies. For me you just have to breathe new life and bring a new twist to the usual cliches or you wind up with something dull like "Battleship". The movie just treads out the usual action and characters without bite and I am surprised that a good director like Peter Berg phones this one in. There is something new here that I guess is cool at first, there is a Navy man who has lost both legs and at a certain point he takes on a bad alien in a fight. I like that ideal but the execution of it comes off as awkward and silly looking.

I feel sorry for Taylor Kitsh who earlier appeared in a box office bomb that was better than "Battleship" called "John Carter" which was good in spots but boring in others. Kitsch had major sex appeal and charisma as the quiet and rowdy Riggins in "Friday Night Lights". He had a little charisma in "John Carter" and comes off a little better here than he was in Carter. He still hasn't been given a role in something that gives him a showcase to show off his talents. I am now figuring out what Kitsch's talent agent is doing wrong with Taylor's career that maybe the agent has corrected finally. Kitsch needs to be in R rated, adult stuff with some juice and I think he has found it. The new Oliver Stone movie "Savages" that Kitsch is in is coming out later this summer and it looks very good!

P.S. For a better movie than "Battleship" with aliens and cliches that are given new life and energy try out one of the best movies of last year "Super 8".