'Burlesque'

'Burlesque' (PG-13) (1 star)

Writer and Director: Steve Antin
Starring: Cher, Christina Aguilera, Cam Gigandet, Alan Cumming, Julianne Hough, Kristen Bell, Peter Gallagher, Stanley Tucci, Eric Dane, Dianna Argon, Glynn Turman

The "Musical" is one of my favorite types of movie genres and when done right it can get me in a happy mood. Whenever I feel down seeing something like "Grease" or "Fiddler on the Roof" can lift my spirits. When a musical becomes a drag, seems dull and lifeless and makes me want to bolt, I start to get frustrated. When you are watching a musical do you really want to feel like going and shooting yourself? I felt that way all throughout "Burlesque", one of the most joyless and cliche filled musicals I have ever seen. I have seen some really bad musicals in my life including "Xanadu" and "Can't Stop the Music" but at least they had somewhat of a personality. "Burlesque" doesn't have a personality and is actually worse then those two turkeys. "Burlesque" is that old Hollywood standard plot of the small town girl with talent who comes to the big, old, scary city and tries to get discovered. The small town girl is played by pop singer Christina Aguilera who isn't bad but also won't have casting directors lining up in a hurry to sign her. She walks into a burlesque club run by a legend played by the legendary Cher. The girl gets pushed aside and starts to wait tables but watch out when she belts a tune and everyone stops in their tracks.

The movie looks glossy and all joking aside about Cher's plastic surgery, I loved seeing her back on the screen and she is the only good thing about this. Christina Aguilera isn't really required to act much, she just has to sing and we all know she can sing very well. I didn't care that much about Aguilera till I saw her performance with Mick Jagger in the Rolling Stones documentary "Shine a Light". It is a very sexy and awesome performance and actually steals the movie. The problem in "Burlesque" is that the songs given to her all sound the same and have no personality. Actually I thought all her songs started out like the opening beats of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" song. I don't know why that tune got in my head during Aguilera's numbers but it did. The choreography of all the musical numbers are horrible and seem like Bob Fosse rejects. Steve Antin, who writes and directs this, obviously doesn't know how to write or direct in my opinion. The writing is all bad cliches and the directing is sloppy. The one only good moment is a pretty good song for Cher to sing and she sings it flawlessly. She has the personality, Aguilera doesn't at least not like she usually has. She is not sexy here like she was in "Shine a Light". Also why in the hell does Stanley Tucci have to be the go to guy for the wisecracking, gay sidekick now?

"Burlesque" actually depressed me and and it is so darkly filmed and dull. Musicals like "Cabaret" and my second favorite of all time "All That Jazz" were dark and seedy and had grim subject matter. The difference with "Burlesque" is that I think this is not supposed to be dark. I would think the movie would be inspiring and fun since it is about a girl being discovered as a star singer. Then again I can't think of many young girls who would say that they can't wait to grow up and work in a strip, burlesque club after seeing this. I have no ideal why this was made other than to cash in on "Chicago". The movie can't even be considered to be fun on a campy level because it is too boring to even be so bad it is good. It isn't like "Showgirls" because there is no nudity, cat fights or even any good lines to laugh at. It would have been smarter to shoot a documentary of Cher and Christina Aguilera on a concert tour. "Burlesque" is just a lot of musical numbers surrounded by boredom.