'Machete'

'Machete' (R) (3 stars)

Writers: Alvaro Rodriguez and Robert Rodriguez
Directors: Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis
Starring: Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal, Jeff Fahey, Robert Deniro, Cheech Marin, Shea Whigham, Don Johnson, Lindsay Lohan, Daryl Sabara, Tom Savini

"Machete" is a silly, blood splattered and trashy movie that is also slyly satirical and actually pretty smart also. This is the movie that "Piranha 3D" should have been like. As was true with "The Expendables" this is not for the squeamish and not for moviegoers that don't like this type of violent and cheesy throwback to grindhouse movies. "Machete" actually comes from one of the wonderful mock trailers that were shown in the middle of Tarantino's and Rodriguez's "Grindhouse" movie. It deals with an ex Federale who saw his family murdered by drug dealers. He goes out for revenge against these men which include a puffy but still bad ass Steven Seagal. Machete is played by long time character actor Danny Trejo and I have always loved Trejo in anything he has been in. Since 1984 when he trained Eric Roberts to box in "Runaway Train", he has been cast as a thug in many movies. He has always been recognizable with his barrel chest and body covered with tattoos. He finally gets to play a lead and a hero and he is good again. This movie is co-directed by Robert Rodriguez who has had an exciting and up and down career. This movie is much better than his "Planet Terror" half of "Grindhouse". The movie is cheesy on purpose and done in the style of those old 70's exploitation movies and it is done in that style flawlessly. It is goofy, violent and full of bloody be headings and impalings. Fans of this type of movie will definitely not be disappointed.

The cast has a lot of fun with this movie and they are all wonderfully hammy. Robert Deniro plays a crooked Southern senator and he is funnier here than he is in most of his comedies. Steven Seagal really is good here and plays an evil bad guy with the proper menace and doesn't over do it. Michelle Rodriguez is cool here like she always is and she is becoming one of the sexiest women on screen. I am a big fan of her and I can't keep my eyes off of her, a sign of future star power. Also very good are Don Johnson, Cheech Marin and Jeff Fahey. A movie like this in the 70's always had bad acting and most of the actors recreate that wooden acting very well. Even Jessica Alba and Lindsay Lohan, who are truly horrible in this, can be forgiven because their bad acting matches the old movie's style. Jessica Alba might look good but her acting leaves a lot to be desired, Rodriguez trumps her big time in sex appeal and acting, and Lohan looks like she was really drunk during filming. It's all in fun though because all that matters is that the movie has cool killings, fight scenes and nudity. What surprised me was that this movie had some great, sly satire in it dealing with topical issues like Arizona's immigration law fiasco. This is also a very smart movie that knows what it is doing and does it well.